Wow. All I can say is the last 4 weeks has been a huge emotional rollercoaster and probably the scariest time of my life. When my OB asked me if I wanted to do the optional neo-nucal scan at the prenatal specialist at 12 weeks, I didn't think much of it because I did it with Max. For those who haven't had it before (or who have never been pregnant), they test for chromosomal issues like Down Syndrome, Trisomy 18, and look for other abnormalities. So I said yes.
I showed up to the specialists office where they did the finger prick to get a blood sample. This would be sent off and would give me percentage chances of any issues with the baby within 5-7 days. Then I proceeded into the room where the ultrasound tech would scan me vaginally and externally on my stomach. Everything seemed to be looking great. I was happily texting family photos of the baby as the tech left the room to grab the dr. After a few minutes I started to wonder...why am I waiting so long? I don't remember even speaking to the dr. last time, why is this taking so long? A long 10-15 minutes went by and finally the Head Dr. came in. She told me she wanted to have a second look. Cue: Panic mode.
I felt like I was in some sort of movie or something. Was this real?
Heart pounding, she proceeded to show me an area that she was concerned about: the stomach and the intestines. She was worried that the baby had something called gastroschisis. Basically this is a birth defect where there is a hole in the abdominal wall and does not close. Due to this hole, the intestines are outside of the body when the baby is born. So you can probably imagine how shocked, scared, upset...I felt numb and none of it was making sense to me. I was a mess. She told me she wanted to see me back at 16 weeks but did tell me it was "highly unlikely" that the intestines would go into the stomach this "late" in development. Hearing those words crushed me. She did tell me she could not rule out omphlocele, a similar condition that is associated with other birth defects...but was much worse. But honestly I coulden't even think about that.
The rest of the day was a daze to me...I literally could not stop crying and questioned everything I had done until this point. I just didn't understand. I am healthy, eat great, am super active-- the very little they do know about this birth defect is that some of the risk factors are women who are young (teen or early 20s...clearly not me!!), and first born (this is my second), and issues with diet (umm..hello...I'm cleaner than clean!). I spoke to my OB and he assured me that this was a sporadic event (if it was indeed the case) and there was nothing I did, or could do moving forward. He told me I could exercise, and do everything as normal while we waited. I did cut back a little bit out of fear and I added in more swimming (less impact) while I waited.
Thoughts of life in the NICU for anywhere from 4 weeks -6 months flooded my head...thoughts of how I was going to manage my little man at home missing me while I was helpless watching my baby in the hospital fight for its life...Thoughts of numerous surgeries {{some of these babies can have up to a dozen surgeries before they are 2 months old}}..it was so overwhelming.
I was beside myself as you can imagine. I know looking at the internet can be dangerous at times, but I knew I had to get more knowledge. After all, knowledge is power. Where else to get it but to find out from people who have been through it? I joined a few Facebook support groups, and got my head around the whole thing. After about a week I was ready to take this on if it was really it. I've never been one to question the great moments or the tough moments and this was something we would have to get through as a family.
The more research I did though, I was finding that some books/pregnancy information were saying that the intestines go into the body through the umbilical cord between 10-12 weeks while others were saying 13 weeks is when it happened. How could the specialist be SO sure that this was happening to my baby? How could she be so sure? A sliver of hope slid through me as I had my scan at week 12. Maybe my baby was just a little late and she was wrong?
I tried to keep myself busy over the 3.5 weeks. After the first weeks feelings of shock, disbelief, worry, and just being completely so scared..to gathering info...to the last week or so where it felt as if not knowing for sure it was almost like there was nothing wrong.
The weekend prior to the appointment I was so sick to my stomach. Like this was it. Shit's gonna get real Monday morning. No more not knowing. This is it.
I went to the appointment and the ultrasound tech was telling me how great everything looked...but she had to wait for the final word from the Dr. The Dr. came in and confirmed that the intestines were indeed inside the body and that everything else looked great. I have never been so relieved and happy before!
As any mother knows, seeing their child in pain is the hardest thing to ever go through. Seeing the photos of these little babies absolutely broke my heart on the support groups on Facebook. Honestly my heart goes out to the families that are dealing with this rare {but increasingly more common} birth defect. I think about those families and little fighting babies every day now. They're almost a part of me now.
Like I said before, this was the longest, most stressful month of my life so I am so happy that MAY is here. New month, healthy baby, bring it on!! We are so blessed and grateful. For those that knew, I thank you so much for your support, thoughts, and prayers during this super difficult phase.
Oh...and its a BOY!! {{sometimes mommas just know}}
