Wow...In some ways I can't believe its been 6 weeks since Seb was born. On the other hand, its completely DRAGGED by. I think anyone who is a parent, especially a mom, can absolutely relate to this! It was never my intention to wait this long to blog, but I think obviously time (and sleep!) is limited with a newborn, toddler, and recovering from a major surgery. In addition to that, I had so many emotions in the weeks following the delivery I was waiting to settle and really get ahold of where my head was at.
Delivery:
As a lot of you know, it was a tough decision for me to decide to go with a C-section as opposed to trying for a VBAC. The whole process this time around was MUCH easier than the 20 + hours of labor I put in and then was wheeled in for surgery for a C -section with Max. On Wednesday, October 5th, we dropped Max off at Grandma and Grandpa's and headed to the hospital. This was definitely a little bit of an emotional moment for me..saying goodbye to our "family of three" and my alone time with Max. Little did I know how much that was going to affect me the first couple of weeks! I had no idea how difficult of a transition that was going to be.
After arriving to the hospital, I was hooked up to a couple of machines prior to heading into the OR and I was actually getting contractions. I wasn't too surprised considering I had been in some pain the last week or two. The OR was running a little behind so we had to wait a little bit longer than our "scheduled" surgery time. When it came time for me to be wheeled in, it was a completely different feeling. I had spent some time with our Resident (who was soo nice and from NYC), and the anesthesiologist who was in love with my husband and his New Zealand accent. And of course, I got to know my doctor even better this time around throughout the pregnancy and over the last 2 years so I felt so much more comfortable. The room was a lot smaller and I felt more at ease.
The spinal was literally a piece of cake compared to any sort of contractions and off they went. I tried to keep myself as calm as possible and before I knew it, I was numb and they were working to get baby Sebastian out. They were having some difficulty getting his head out and had the anesthesiologist help push on my ribs to get him out. I swear my ribs were going to crack with the amount of pressure I felt! Ha! They were able to get him out and I waited for the fateful cry to know that he was okay. After our early scare in the pregnancy and everything we have gone through, we were so happy and grateful that he was here, nice and healthy!
Sebastian Joseph Lines clocked in at 8 pounds, 11 oz and 20.75 oz delivered 5 days before his due date. Our first, Max, was 8 pounds 9 ounces born 5 days late. I am pretty sure that Seb would have clocked in at 9 lb + if he would have gone full term! Yikes!
Baby Seb...looks very similar to his big brother here!
The Aftermath
With this being my second c-section, I knew what to expect. The worst moment I would have to say is when you have to walk for the first time. Ugh. You feel like your legs are going to give out, your lungs are tight and you feel like you can't breath ..and the blood. Yeah. I won't get even go there. Your whole body is just a complete mess. Seb was very sleepy but had a great latch so my only challenge was to keep him awake during feeding sessions!
The Boys at the hospital
I was feeling pretty good after the 48 hours so I decided to go home. I feel like you can never get any real rest when you're in the hospital. Between feeding your baby and the nurses/doctors coming in to check your vitals and incision, you never get any rest! So I coulden't wait to get home. But when I did get home, I literally burst into tears. It was so overwhelming being back home and knowing I couldn't move around at all and being completely dependent on other people. I had horrible engorgement the night I got home (a lot worse than the first time) and literally iced the ENTIRE night!
I would have to say those first 3 weeks were so hard for me. I think first, breastfeeding is just super demanding the first couple of months and even more so the early weeks. It seems the babies want to eat 24-7 and everything is on you. I remembered these feelings from my first pregnancy, but it didn't make it any easier to handle especially when you're getting literally no sleep.
The part of this whole process that really hit me hard was how emotional I was about the change in our family dynamic and particularly my relationship with Max. It broke my heart to spend every waking moment with Seb and miss out on so many things that I used to do with Max. As much as I love Seb dearly and wanted to have him, those first couple of weeks were so, so hard and a lot of tears were shed. I knew that I needed to give Seb what I gave Max {{as much bonding time as possible}} but I coulden't help but feel a little bit of resentment and longing for the way my life "was" and I wondered how come nobody warned me?? And did I make a mistake having another...haha. Everyone always talked about how easy the second is because you "know what to expect..." but I disagree. I think they are both equally challenging in their own ways.! It helped reaching out to others and knowing they too had those feelings (obviously temporary feelings), and that it was normal to feel that way and soon enough we would all find our groove, routine and life as a family of 4 and it would be better than ever.
And of course I heard a lot of {{..the worst parenting advice on EARTH}} "It gets better" which we all know, but in that moment of despair with a crying infant, it seems like it will never. ever. be. better. again.
Life with Seb
Seb is a such a little koala bear and so loved by all of us, especially his big brother Max. Max is always laying down with him on his playmat during tummy time and wanting to sit next to me when we nurse. He will try and help in any way possible..almost too much sometimes! ha ha.
Seb is definitely an easier going baby than Max {{thank the lord}}. I actually have a baby that sleeps in the swing without the vacuum cleaner, and doesn't cry non stop all day long or need a hair dryer sound to calm him..ha ha. He is a champion breastfeeder and regained his birthweight and MORE just 5 days after his birth. He's currently clocking in at 13 pounds at 6 weeks..ha! Max better starting hitting the weights. Seb is cooing and smiling and we are loving it!
Sleeping wise he has been your average baby waking every 2 hours the first few weeks. The last couple of weeks he has given me usually a 3 or 4 hour stint right when he goes to bed. After that he is up every 2 hours for a feed and cuddle which is a drag but it is what it is, right?. I'm spending A LOTTTT of time in the rocker and am majorly sleep deprived but I know there is a light at the end of the tunnell..at some point. It might not be tomorrow- but it is there. ha.
One month photo!
Recovery
Where do I begin? Recovery from any birth sucks. I really, really, tried to take it easy and not move around as much to let my body heal after the surgery. I enlisted as much help as I could to keep Max busy and have things taken care of around the house. Let's be honest though, its just an awful time for your body regardless of whether or not you deliver vaginally or by Section!
Once I hit the 3 week point, I started to really feel a lot better and started to go for 20 minute walks. I still hesitated in taking Max or the baby anywhere because I didn't want to push it or strain/lift. I mean, I felt like I was on house arrest!
Unfortunately, last weekend at about 4.5 weeks postpartum I noticed some of my scar tissue widening. I knew immediately what was happening. Sure enough, a day later when I woke my incision had opened where the scar tissue was thickest mid-incision. I was so frustrated as this happened with Max 6.5 weeks postpartum. I'm not sure at this point if there is just something about this particular surgery that my body just doesn't like!! Anyway, there's no infection after seeing my doctor and its just something that needs to heal on its own so I've been laying low the last couple of weeks. Treatment wise I have been steri-stripping the open wound part and I'm hopeful it will be closed by December. Laying low has been so hard. All I want to do is get moving and get back to my normal routine..and drop a few of these last few pounds ;)
Speaking of pounds. Ugh. I've dropped 28 of the 38 pounds that I gained. I'm not so much concerned with the actual weight as opposed to the pilsbury doughboy/elephant skin stomach I currently have. ha. I would love to see that shrink a little in the next 6 weeks. So, for the next week or two, cleaning up my diet has been my main focus until I can start walking/elliptical and slowly get back into weights. I CANNOT wait to get back in the gym and tighten this thing up!
The road back begins!
All in all, its been a crazy 6 weeks. I have good days and bad days and so do the kids. I do have anxiety about tomorrow, and how I'm going to manage the next stage, but I have to tell myself to just. slow. down. Don't worry about bedtime routines and nap schedules. It will all be okay. It WILL get better, and at some point all of this will seem like a blip on the screen. So, in the meantime, I try to enjoy my koala bear snuggles and watching my boys interact in hopefully what is to become a great friendship between two brothers!
Brothers!!
Mamas..what did you think was harder? Baby #1 or the addition of Baby #2?
Thanks for reading and hope you all have a great week! xo
Alex