My Three Sons: The Transition from Two--> Three Kids

I’ve done a lot of reflecting over the last 4 months, that is, when I’ve had time to think. Which has basically been only when I’m in the car, or nursing in the middle of the night because my house is crazy town. ha. Probably the most asked question I get from friends, family, acquaintances, and honestly random people is “So, whats it really like with 3?”

Well….it’s taken me a LONG time to gather my thoughts and really get clarity on Life with 3. Partially because its been so busy, partially because I wanted to wait until I felt like I really had a handle on what its like. But first…we need to talk about the transition from one to two because that really sets the stage.

Flashback: The transition from one child to two

I’m going to be real with you guys. Going from one kid to two absolutely rocked. my. world. mentally, physically. Everything.

And even though it was super hard for me to adjust to the new family of four dynamic, I never really felt I was “done” after having Sebastian, our second. I wanted to be done with pregnancy, and the sleepless nights, and pumping. Done with the weight gain ((then losing it)), and done with all of the crazy stages you go through: separation anxiety, the teething, etc. We were in such an amazing place. The boys were napping at the same time, Seb could play on his own, and was going into the 2 year old Pre-K. I wanted to continue gaining this independence. Going places was getting so much easier, including travel. And I was pretty scared of moving into the so called “zonal defense” 24/7 when you add a third child.

But…. I wasn’t done feeling a baby kick for the first time. Or nursing and snuggling with a newborn, smelling that baby smell. Or experiencing a babies first smile, giggle, and step again. Or watching a baby grow into a toddler into a little boy. Watching his/her relationship with their siblings and my husband. Those were the moments I wasn’t done with.

Regardless of wanting and desiring those special moments one more time, I was definitely super anxious after finding out the news we were expecting our third. Two kids to three. How would we manage? I felt like the transition was so hard from one to two. How would we manage with ANOTHER?!!

So. How is it really?

Well, in a nutshell, it’s hard. And I’m gong to be completely honest. Three kids is kicking my ass. I’m more tired than I’ve ever been. Some days I feel like I’m barely managing it all, that I’m drowning- family, work, things around the house, and having some time for myself. Leaving the house is literally a mission at times. I’ve never ordered more from amazon prime. haha. I look around and the house looks like a tornado hit it half the time.

But then I take a deep breath and realize that my kids are happy. and loved. and healthy. And this is a season that seems like an eternity, but its not.

What keeps me sane in the organized chaos?

This is what keeps me sane: I believe that there are seasons of your life where certain things get prioritized. And right now, prioritizing my babies is where I’m at.

I know people talk about having it all. I don’t believe in having it all. I think the second you realize that “having it all” doesn’t exist, you immediately remove pressure from yourself and really focus on the couple things that need to be on top of that list. And that doesn’t mean that the items on the bottom of the list get forgotten about or don’t matter. They’re there. But they are tucked away for a rainy day when your priorities and life changes.

So, I know I’ve got a LONG way to go. I’m only 4 months into this crazy show and I’ve got a lifetime to go, but here’s some things I’ve learned in my transition to a family of 5:

1. The early stages of being a family of four have prepared you for being a family of five: when it comes to be outnumbered, I feel like I’m somewhat used to this. With my husband working late seasonally, I’ve had to be there putting multiple kids to bed on my own multiple times a week and just figuring it out over the last couple of years.

   Things that I stressed about with my middle, I didn’t stress about this time. For example, “what if the baby cries when I’m trying to make their dinner” “what if he needs to eat during lunch”. That never even crossed my mind this time around. #beentheredonethat

   You learn that everyone adapts, based on your experience with your transition to two kids. If the big kids have to wait longer for lunch, they will. If they go down for their nap 25 mins later, who cares. If the baby has to cry for 3 minutes while you cut up food, it’s okay. If the kids watch the ipad for an hour because you have a screaming baby and you’re on your own…its OKAY. You’ll all survive.

2. Your experience with three children can be completely different based on the temperament of your infant: NO DOUBT my life would’ve been a lot more stressful had my first been born last. Colicky, crying all the time definitely would make this journey more challenging. Samson is a pretty happy, chill baby (most of the time) which makes it easier to manage. Don’t mistake this for me saying he’s easy, because he certainly has his moments..for instance how he’s slept the last month (like crap), and how he screams nonstop in the car. So, let’s just put it this way-no infant is easy. Some are just easi-ER. And that can make things less or more stressful for sure.

3. Letting go. Let go of perfection, let go of cleanliness, let go of even self care for awhile. Embracing the season rather than fighting it makes this ride much more enjoyable. Because, at the end of the day, it’s not forever. 

4. Leaving the house takes on new life: When I go places with all 3 kids, its either we are leaving ____ (insert place) bloodied, bruised, wounded and someone is always crying. Or, like the grocery store the other day….I swear that angels were singing as we walked out, and I felt literally like SUPER MOM. haha.

   This is probably the number one thing I’ve struggled with the most and really has had me feeling frustrated and tied down because the energy I need to invest to go to simple places is CRAZY.

   Leaving the house with two seems so easy now. I think this also has been amplified by a winter that has seemed about 3 years long. Have you ever tried to get a 4 year old, a 2 year old and an infant dressed for 30 degree temperatures for 3 months straight? yes, it is torture. Also: see winter with kids ((hell)).

   But, as I say that, its always worth getting out of the house. And yes, you’ll have some days that are better than others but my advice is to start small to gain confidence. Also, don’t give any fucks about what anyone thinks. You’ll never see them again, and if they can’t respect you for getting 3 tiny humans out of the house on your own, they’re not a good person. So…there’s that.

   On a side note, I’m so looking forward to summer, where we can throw on a pair of shoes and call it a day. No gloves, hats, boots, coats, layers. No wondering where we should head to that day. The best part of summer for me, is keeping it simple. Outdoor time. Walks. Bike rides. Playground. I try to live by the saying “KISS”. “Keep it simple, stupid”. Don’t reinvent the wheel. Kids are actually really simple tiny humans and they don’t care if they go to the park 8 days in a row. End of story. 

5. Lower your standards: I’m not saying wear sweats every day of your life and leave your house a pig sty... because truth be told I actually feel more put together this time around than I did with my second. Seriously. I feel like I learned how to manage my time better after having two kids (see #1) but if you’re struggling, cut yourself a break!

6. GET HELP. End of story. You don’t get a medal, trophy or a special announcement as best mom ever for doing EVERYTHING on your own. Have family help and take the older ones places. Get a “mother’s helper” so you have time to get things done around the house. Ask family friends for help. Its worth it.

7. Plan ahead: Being ahead of the game is super important at this time for me. A lot of times I meal prep and cut up vegetables/food for dinner and put them in containers while the baby is napping in the morning or early afternoon because come 5 pm, I’m on my own with 3 kids & trying to make dinner with three kids all running around…aint nobody got time to be slicing sweet potatoes! LOL!

   My advice: think ahead for everything. Pack diaper bags while baby is sleeping or the night before, put your toddlers shoes on while he’s snacking and sitting in his high chair…you get the drift. Be ahead of the game! It will help you be more efficient at home or getting out the door!

8. YOU 👏🏼 ARE 👏🏼 ENOUGH 👏🏼 I’m a big believer in speaking light & truth into yourself. I did this a lot as a professional athlete. One of my favorite sayings (especially to athletes I coach) is “Nobody is going to believe in you more than yourself.” This is so, so true and honestly every single day I tell myself that I am enough. And yes, there are some days where I believe it more than others. BUT I do think by speaking positive to yourself, you truly can make a difference in your own attitude and self esteem. Sure, I can always strive to be a better ME. But who I am- as a woman, mother, wife, and human being complete with all my imperfections…is enough.

So is the transition to 3 hard? YES. Is it harder than the transition to 2? I guess for me it hasn’t hit me as hard as the transition to two. I was so used to focusing on only one child’s needs. Now, I’ve had the experience. Will it feel like that for everyone? Probably not. I don’t know.

But what I can tell you is that the love that my older two have for their baby brother is intoxicating.

I can tell you his smile lights the room.

I can tell you that his presence completes our family.

I can tell you the support from friends and family was and IS absolutely heart warming and overwhelming.

So, yeah, it’s hard. Every single day is a battle…. with sweet, silly, heart melting moments mixed in.

But I absolutely positively cannot imagine my life without our smily baby Samson.

xo

Alex

2 Months Postpartum: The Body

Stash Pocket Salutation Peony 7/8 Tight • Athleta • $71.99
Athleta Athleta Women's Encore Tank Top • Athleta • $33.93
Nike Pro Classic Mid-Impact Swoosh Sports Bra 842398 • Nike • $30

2 Months Postpartum: The Body

It’s been 2 months since my little guy was born. Sometimes it seems like just yesterday he was born.. but at the same time I can’t even remember life without him. Does that even make sense? 🤷🏼‍♀️

There is so much that goes into the postpartum period of having a baby. Not only adjusting to the baby, but the mental and physical side of things for YOU, the mama. Everyone provides so much support right after the baby, but when that first month is over and everyone goes back to work, and their own lives it can be HARD. You’re at home with a crying baby and it can get overwhelming especially if its your first baby. The 24/7 care can be exhausting. Combine that with hormones, breastfeeding, as well as with the physical changes that pregnancy and postpartum brings its no wonder there are so many women with the baby blues or even PPD. So little attention is brought to a woman’s mental state after pregnancy.

As you know, I write about everything…baby, mom stuff, recipes, fashion…it has super therapeutic in a way for me with this third baby. Having a baby can be isolating but this has given me an outlet when I might be otherwise cut off a little bit from society and my “regular” life.

But my favorite posts by far have tp be these body/fitness updates because even though I get frustrated on the DAILY- weighing myself, seeing an unflattering angle in the mirror, trying pre pregnancy jeans on.. the list goes on LOL... (I’m just being real with you during this postpartum phase) when I look back on my previous monthly posts, I can see that I’ve made progress. And I know there are SO MANY other women who feel the same way. And if I can see positivity & progress in my own journey, so can you.

Sometimes progress is hard to see when you’re grafting day and in and day out and things aren’t happening as fast as what you’d like. I encourage you to take progress photos and look at all of this from a “big picture” standpoint. How far you have come, rather than how far you have to go.

I know I feel inspired when I see other women work hard for things they want and I hope in a small way I can do the same for you. I’m not where I want to be yet (not even close), but I’m loving sharing the journey in depth with all of you.

Postpartum Feelings

I've been a mother for almost 5 years. To some of you, I'm still a rookie. And let me tell you, a lot of the time I sure do feel like a rookie. I think in our own way we are all newbies trying to find our way not only for our children, but for our new life as parents, caregivers. Because just when you think you've figured it out, they go and change on you again :) 

I can't tell you how many times over the last 4 1/2 years I've come across messages of "love your ____(insert either body, scars, battle wounds, mom pooch, tiger stripes, curves, stretch marks" etc. ) in social media, magazines, tv. It’s everywhere. Don't get me wrong. I love messages of positivity to uplift women whether you're a mom, a teen, or a twenty something post college graduate. But I guess a part of me has fought this message internally. And its always made me feel weird and to be honest, like an outsider when it comes to this topic. I don’t know if this message is realistic, for me anyway.

I don't love my postpartum curves. I don't love my stretch marks. I don't love my loose skin. I don't love my c- section scars. What I do love? MY SONS. My beautiful three boys. (they of course were worth every ounce of pain, sacrifice, skin sagginess, scars, and stretch marks FYI !)

If you asked me if I could have heathy children and do without the loose skin & stretch marks I wouldn't think twice. Absolutely I would take that. And I bet I'm not the only one who would -whether people want to admit it or not. Those battle scars…They’re just human.. and part of the process for some of us.

What I do is thank my pre-pregnancy body for being STRONG, fit and healthy enough to carry my babies…not my stretch marks or loose skin.

And my postpartum body? I might not love every part of it. BUT I RESPECT the HELL out it. My curves, stretch marks, loose skin and scars.

In my opinion, the most important way (and most realistic way) you can love your body is by respecting & appreciating it throughout all the crazy seasons of life us women go through.

Now…on to Month 2!

Post surgery:

This was the best recovery by far from all of my C sections. I think because my incisions opened (superficial layer, not infected or anything) the last 2 times I was really careful. In addition, I had a lot of help at night with my husband bringing baby to me in the middle of the night to nurse (not getting up out of a chair holding baby) which was #husbandgoals. Lastly, the horrible weather we had the first 4 weeks postpartum actually went in my favor because I didn’t go for walks or leave the house. Haha.

I have no issues with my incision and hopefully every day the scar will fade. Although having the scar doesn’t really phase me, to be honest. I think out of all things “postpartum” that is the thing I least care about.

Workouts

I’m getting 3-4 strength training workouts in during the week and trying to get 2-3 days of cardio in. I’m careful with my cardio; I want to be sure my body is able to handle the impact. Because of this, I’m really focusing on weights and getting stronger right now. During pregnancy I lost so much muscle- and gained a lot of extra fat so I’ve got to ease my way into it. In addition, I have about 2 cm of separation still between my abs-which I am doing DR exercises to improve.

I’ve gone on 3-4 runs and my times have already started to lower. I’m soooo far off where I used to be but I’m trying to focus on what I CAN do and not what I used to be able to do. I know I’ve done this twice before; and I can do it again if I want it bad enough.

Nutrition

To be honest, my nutrition has been better this postpartum period than it was with the other two. I’m eating less cereal/empty carbs at night and if I need a snack at night I choose Greek yogurt. During the day I’m pretty structured and disciplined. Breakfast is usually eggs with turkey bacon, eggs on its own, or chicken sausage always paired with oatmeal. Lunch is usually chicken or salmon with salad, and you have all seen my dinners throughout the week in my Monday meal plan.

Of course, I have “splurge” meals (like pizza last week saturday, for example) and I usually have a treat or two after going to the grocery shopping (I blame the “hungry me” for buying my fave love crunch granola haha)

For those that have breastfed, you know the struggle is real with nursing hunger…or HANGER. Ha. I literally CANNOT go to bed without eating something because I’ll wake in the night hungry.

I definitely don’t portion out my meals too much, I would say breakfast and lunch I know pretty much the macros I’m eating but dinner and before bed all bets are off. For me, maintaining my supply is most important and if it takes me 3 months longer to achieve what I want, then so be it.

Weight/ body image

My clothes are definitely fitting better but I would say 70% of my closet doesn’t fit, or it doesn’t fit comfortably/ the way I want it to. Which is super frustrating, but it is what it is. I’ve accepted it, respect it and I’m going to keep showing up like a bad penny at the gym getting after it.

I’ve also bought 2 new pairs of jeans because I’m not putting some ridiculous pressure on how fast “i bounce back”. Some of my pants are going to take about 6 MONTHS to fit back into, and thats just reality. You don’t get a medal, a trophy or anything special for fitting into your jeans quicker! I’ll get there and I know from my other two babies it takes time. A lot of time. Like over a year. And it takes sweat. Discipline. And of all things, consistency.

Weight wise the scale hasn’t budged in about 4 weeks. It has. not. budged. a. single. pound.

4 weeks of being intentional about walking (the first 2 weeks. Working out the last 2 weeks, 5 days a week.

4 weeks of intentional, healthy eating.

So, basically, I’m still 15-ish lbs above pre-pregnancy weight.

Frustration is an understatement.

I found with my other two babies I was able to lose a majority of the weight (over a 12 month period-let’s be clear!!) but I coulden’t get as lean/lose the last 3-4 lbs until I stopped nursing. Whether that was hormones, or my hunger, I’m not sure. We will see this time around! Everyone’s body is different and reacts a different way to nursing.

So, if you’re in the same season as me (this awkward postpartum phase), know that taking small victories like FEELING good, fitting into pants better, having more energy, being able to lift a heavier weight, or running faster/longer means far more than the scale anyway.

And as those small victories keep piling up ….you’ll see movement in the scale. Because that’s really how it works.

End of Story.

xo

Alex

Running while Pregnant: My journey & tips for the Pregnant Runner

six hundred and sixty one miles.

1,057,600 meters. 3,490,080 feet.

three pregnancies.

and just like that, its over.

My pregnancy running journey is complete.

It’s been 10 days since I last ran and at the end of it, I think I knew inside that I was done. But I sat on it a few days before I made up my mind because there have been times (many times) during pregnancy where I’ve not felt great and then the next day woke and felt a 1000 times better and it was like the previous day never happened.

So, I waited out those days…and nahhh. I’m pretty sure my body is done and dusted with lugging this guy around!!!

I feel gratitude, for my body allowing me to continue something that is so important to me (fitness). I feel relief in a way, that its all over. I feel a little bit of disappointment in myself for not being able to make it all the way until 39 weeks when I deliver ((I guess thats the type A in me ).

But, most of all I feel PROUD, because its not easy to be consistent during pregnancy with workouts or running and I was able to accomplish that.

My first two pregnancies:

With my first pregnancy, I ran up until my due date. My son came 6 days late. With my second, I ran until 2 days before my planned C-Section (39 + 2). My last run with my current and final pregnancy was at 35 +4 weeks.

I’m sure some of you who don’t know me probably think this is crazy. Especially if I told you my first two babies were 8 lb 10 oz or bigger…LOL!! ( we will see how big this guy gets!!).

As y’all know, in pregnancy, everything is based around the baby. and how I’m feeling. which is such a catch 22 because we as women literally have no control over how we feel…!!!

Pregnancy was HARD AF for me with all babies, especially baby 1. I was so USED to just pushing through everything! I coulden’t get past how my body just woulden’t do/I coulden’t do what I wanted to! After all, I had pushed my body to the limit for so many years playing professional soccer. So many hormonal, mental and physical changes, wrapping my head around bringing a baby into the world…it was overwhelming!!

Third pregnancy running

As my pregnancy progressed along this time around, I was completely aware at how much bigger I got so much earlier. I was completely aware that it would be the middle of winter my last month…which might affect my ability to get outside. Cold, snow, darkness, ice were all things on my mind.

I know this is silly, but I set an internal goal of reaching December (knowing all these factors) and once I reached that date, I would take it day for day. ((Obviously, if I ever didn’t feel good or there was an issue with the baby I would never put anything at risk and would stop)).

I say its silly because…if any of you have been pregnant, you know there are so many factors out of your control when it comes to pregnancy! Setting this goal wasn’t just mind over matter and “how bad do you want it? or “no excuses, get it done” like I spoke about above!

And then one day, (after my goal, LOL!!) It just stopped feeling natural. Stopped feeling good. And when that happened, I always vowed to call it a day. So I did.

My WHY

Why run you ask?

1. I like being active and healthy, pregnant or not. Enough said. You can google any study anywhere and read about pregnancy and working out. Good for mom, good for baby. Good, good, good.

2. It made me feel like myself…even if I was slower and bigger. This was probably my number one reason for continuing. This was especially important to me during pregnancy 1 when I struggled big time with my growing body and embracing the new use for my body. So many changes physically & emotionally…

   Before, everything I did with my body was results oriented. How can I get faster? Stronger? Better on the ball? How many times can I train in one day? What can I eat to make me a better athlete?

   This all quickly shifted to becoming a home for a little baby for 9 months. So….. that 30-40 minutes when my feet hit the pavement, I grinded out a sweat, and sometimes (especially early on) forgot I was pregnant. It was just me, and the roads doing our thing. It made me HAPPY and kept me grounded for those 9 months.

3. Running is something i’ve done my whole life and it felt natural. It’s not like I woke up one day and had a huge bump. The progression was so slow that it was very gradual and gentle as I got bigger. It probably would have been weirder for my body to just stop!!!

4. It kept my swelling at bay. Sure, I definitely got swollen but nowhere near what i have seen other pregnant mama’s and I know its due to my consistent activity level!

5. Weight Control: I’ve gained a healthy 33-35 lbs, with my first, 40 with my second and I’m on track for around 35-37 with my current pregnancy. Being active and running has definitely helped keep my weight in a healthy target area and made recovery A LOT easier.

   It’s no walk in the park though…
   

   I’d be lying if I said I enjoyed every run. I’d be lying if I said I wanted to be out there every single time. I’d be lying if I said it was easy, or didn’t take any discipline. It sure as hell did. But I look back on my journey with great pride, and so fondly as memories with my babies before they came into this world.

   Advice for Pregnant Runners/ Beginner Runners:

   If I could pass along any advice to fellow runners who have just become pregnant and want to continue their regiment, I would offer the following as advice. Some of this advice can be applied to people who aren’t pregnant who are looking to take up running!

   1. SPEAK TO YOUR DOCTOR FIRST. Everyone’s pregnancy is different, and what i did may not be right for you!!!

   2. Change your mindset: Whether you are a recreational runner or a competitive runner, changing your mindset is CRUCIAL. Knowing that you’re out there for the movement, the sweat, the endorphins, etc. rather than actually hitting mileage, splits, times….if you don’t change this mindset, you won’t last long and it certainly won’t be enjoyable!

   3. Invest in good workout gear: Without comfortable running clothes/proper gear running while pregnant can become virtually impossible. I’ve shared my favorites over the course of my 600+ miles (see below)

   4. Find your time: For me, I always felt better early in the morning. My bladder and stomach were fairly empty which led to less bathroom breaks, pressure and any digestion issues. Try out different times of day to see when you feel best.

   5. One day at a time: Don’t get too high off a great run, or too low on a bad run. 9 months is a long time and there will be days where you’re running pre-pregnancy times and feeling like a 100 bucks…and other days where you can’t finish your run, never go, or just feel tired and lethargic. Don’t jump to any conclusions and just roll with it! The part that counts is YOU SHOWED UP.

   6. Intervals: So many of my runs were intervals, whether it was “sprint” for 100 yards, then jog…and repeat for time or a number of sets… or repeat 400s with 3 minutes of rest in between! I always felt like this made the runs more enjoyable knowing I was able to keep a faster pace than a longer run, and knowing I was torching some fat as well!

   7. Take breaks: there’s no shame in stopping to walk, or stretch for a minute or two!

   8. Know when to call it a day: I felt great with my first two pregnancies and tried to not put too much pressure on myself to make it to “running full term with all three babies”. I’m super goal oriented and tbh I would have loved to do that ((sighhhh)). In saying that, Know when to call it a day…when it doesn’t feel good, or feel natural. Any running while pregnant is something to be proud of whether its 3 weeks, 3 months or 9 months!!

Now…on to share my pregnancy running/workout must haves!

1. Gabrialla waist support: I ran with this with all three babies and was a life saver!! This is a must!

2. Body Glide-With my first two pregnancies I had a litrle bit of chafe going on because it was so hot. This was a life saver where my sports bra was, and on my thighs! Things start rubbin when you get bigger! You can get this on amazon!

3. Good running shoes- your feet will naturally swell so having a good pair is important. The brooks ghost is my favorite!

4. A good sports Bra- my fave is the Brooks Juno. The girls don’t move AT ALL and the straps allow for nursing when the baby comes (cause once that milk comes in…sister watch out! LOL) I do have to say its not super easy to get on but its worth it to keep them strapped in! Perf for running or any high impact!!!

5. My zella leggings- great to run in especially in cooler months. I wear these also 24-7. These are the ULTIMATE leggings for pregnancy. You can work out in them, dress them up, wear them casually. They are just bomb. If they come back in stock, SNAG them ASAP!!! Great quality.

6. These Gap tank tops are my favorite.

7. these Old Navy fleeces are super comfy, great for layering and working out in.

8. I love this long sleeve mock neck top from Gap to run in

9. Basic Gap tees- long sleeve (for winter), tanks (for summer), and tees (layerin and for summer) were super easy to throw on also and run in!

   Unfortunately the patterned Isabel Maternity for Target leggings are all sold out…but those were big on my workout rotation! Check out target for some of their maternity leggings to work out in!

I hope this post helps any of you mamas to be with questions about running while pregnant!

xo

Alex